Gosh, when was the last time we talked about an old-fashioned standalone map? UAC_DEAD back in… 2018? Oh boy.
A bit of inside baseball here, but this episode was up in the air until last night. I planned Going Down as Episode 61 for at least the last couple months, and the remaining WADs from here on out are pretty set in stone — I’ve already played them and know they’re awesome. But the WAD I penciled in for this particular slot, after playing through in its entirety, sorting all the screenshots, and outlining a review… it dawned on me that I didn’t have that much say about it. Even worse, a lot of what I had to say was negative.
That was no good at all, so of course I threw the review out. But the same thing happened with my backup WAD. And the backup’s backup. In the end I went through five different mapsets, all of which I’d really expected to love, but none of them exactly spoke to me. Then I remembered Sharp Things.
I don’t even recall the first time I played Xaser’s Hellish vanilla gem. Was it back in 2013 when it was first released? When it resurfaced in 2017? Who knows, but in 2022 it’s just the light, salty snack I needed in the midst of the other epics I’m tackling. I’d almost forgotten how much joy could be found in a single map — a self-contained journey with a beginning, middle, and end. No strings attached. No expectation that you commit to continuing on through 31 other maps.
Sharp Things is a wonderful little scavenger hunt through a gloomy corner of Hell. Three skull keys are scattered across the jagged landscape, but the map gives you precious little direction to help in finding them. It’s a thorny little riddle that you turn over in your hands and peek into from different angles until it reveals its secrets. All the while, though, it’s pricking your fingers.
Combat is never particularly difficult; more like a nuisance that sets you back as you try to crack other challenges, or that pokes at you from a distance while you search the environs for clues. And I say “nuisance” in the most loving way possible; it sounds like criticism but I’m just trying to stick with the thorn bush metaphor here, ya dig?
A plasma gun is the first weapon provided, with cells and rockets laid on thick throughout. You’re encouraged to let loose at every opportunity and make quick work even of the ubiquitous barons of Hell. My first thought upon seeing a spider mastermind strolling around the central courtyard? Certainly it’ll be a long-term harasser, pelting you with bullets until well into the map when you’ve amassed enough ammo to finally remove it from the equation. Nope, there’s probably more than enough cells in the arena alone to put the thing directly into the recycle bin.
Heck, I deeply appreciate some combat on the lighter side of things after all the ultradifficult WADs on my plate lately, but I’ll still pat myself on the back for finishing Sharp Things saveless on my first try. Thank you. Please hold your applause.
This is very much a case of the journey being more important than the destinations. No one fight is likely to be the end of you. No key is that challenging to find. There’s no insane climax to end the map, and you even trigger the final battle in stages, meaning you can rest and recover as long as you like between each one. The appeal to this map is in the exploration, secret-hunting, and sight-seeing. Sharp Things in every way is something you take your time with, savor, and delight in its small details. The thorns are the point.
Sharp Things requires DOOM.WAD and runs on any sourceport out there. If you’re not sure how to get it running, this may help. And for more awesome WADs, be sure to check these out!